Sunday, September 27, 2015

I'm as Rank as...

     So… Last Sunday, after I posted my blog, I went and did something for me. Oh, and yes, I do know that I shouldn’t start a sentence with ‘so’. I actually do know better, but it pisses some people off, and that amuses me. Hey, it’s my blog, I can do what I want. I am King here!

     Anyway, it was cool enough in the morning and there was a slight breeze blowing so I figured I deserved to have a little fun. Yes, I do realize that a lot of folk think I’m nuts when I say I want to go and do yard work. I have never said I wasn’t crazy, so there you have it.
     I worked in the front flowerbed, under the trees. The Spanish moss that hangs from the big water oaks were doing a seductive dance as they waltzed in the wind. The birds were singing, when they weren’t darting about and there were even some dragon flies that came to visit, wondering what I was doing.
     It wasn’t until I went inside to get another jug of water did I realize how hot it had gotten outside. I checked and it was 88F with the humidity hovering close to the same number. At that moment I decided I’d much rather have a nice cold beer instead of water. I don’t know what it is about doing yard work that makes beer taste so much better, but it’s true. Only problem with that was I was out of beer.
     Time to make a decision: do I want that beer bad enough to go and get some. Damn skippy I did. I got my wallet and keys and went down to the little corner market. I got a six pack, took it to the counter and smiled at the young woman behind the register. It was the look on her face that I noticed first.
     I looked down at myself and realized what a mess I was. I was soaking wet from sweat. My hands were nasty, including caked dirt under my fingernails. From the knees down, I was black, covered in dirt. Returning my gaze to the nicely dressed clerk, her fingernails manicured, reminding me of my friend Tara Juanita Prince. When I handed the young lady the money, she took it with just her forefinger and thumb as if it too were as dirty as me. Can’t say I blame her. I really was filthy.
     I looked at her, shrugged and said,
“Yeah, I’m as rank as a collard eatin’ granny’s ass.”

     The look on that poor girls face… I think I cracked her makeup. Oh hell, I couldn’t believe that I actually said that. Sometimes my big Southern foot fits so well in my mouth.
     I got back to the car and lost it. I was laughing like an idiot. I immediately started thinking of Elaine Lee and how she’d have been rolling on the floor, laughing her butt off. Of course that young lady probably thought I was some sort of racist or white cracker twit, but at that moment, I didn’t care. It was just too funny.
     Damn, that beer tasted so good. I actually worked another hour or so before calling it a day. It was a good day.
     What else…
     I’ve been working on My Hero: The Olympian, as many of y’all know. It has been slow going at times. Several hurdles to overcome but I think I may have gotten the hardest part done. I am going to do my best to finish it up by the first of October. Don’t know if that will happen, but that is my goal. Keep your fingers crossed. Then the beta reading and the editing will commence. Oh joy.
     Now, I’m the first one to admit that I don’t know everything. Oh hell, I don’t know much at all, to be honest, so when I’m working on a story and I find that I need to research something, I jump in with both feet. I actually enjoy doing research for the most part.
     The real issue I have with looking up things is I tend to get lost in all the information and before you know it, the day is gone. Then there is the temptation to do the dreaded ‘info-dump’ when writing out the scene that you’ve just researched. It is so tempting to unload all that you’ve learned, and it seems warranted at the time, but it rarely works. I’ve seen other authors do it, mostly newbies, and it never reads well. I did that in The V Unit. I edited it out as I did a read-through, thank goodness. It really was too much.
     There was one section of that book that I took particular care with. If I remember correctly, there was one part that took me two days of reading several documents from medieval times before I got what I needed. Talk about tough reading! Damn, my eyes were crossing by the time I was done. But, I wanted to get it right and I think I did.
     I can hear y’all now… he he he. You want to know what part that was, right? Okay, I won’t torture you too much. It was the part that had to do with the death sentence of Aniston, the drawn and quartering part. I have to say, you Brits have some pretty sick and twisted history. Ahh, but they didn’t corner the market on that either. Pope Alexander VI was quite the charmer too. Some of the things he came up with would make even the Marquis De Sade cringe.

     Anyway, back to that scene… It was very historically accurate. I needed to make sure of it. I know that there are some serious history buffs out there and I knew that if I got it wrong, I’d hear about it. There was actually one review that said that particular scene was too graphic and couldn’t be true. And yep, just as I thought, another reader jumped in and said it was and even gave dates and times and the like. Whew…. Dodged the bullet on that one!
     Speaking of The V Unit… it is now in production to be an audio book. I can’t wait to see how Jared Bradford handles this one. There are so many accents, speech patterns and personalities to deal with. It will be a big challenge for sure.
     What else… Someone did a post the other day counting down the days to Christmas. OMG, really? Can’t we at least get through Halloween first? I’m soooo not ready for xmas. Of course, it being ninety degrees outside doesn’t help. While my sister is enjoying the cool down and autumn leaves, I’m sweating my ass off.

     I figure as soon as I’m done with this book I can focus on other things… like getting my Toys for Tots figured out. Thanks for the suggestions y’all. I’ll be looking back at those when it gets closer to shopping time.
     I’ve not checked to see if Lost n Found have done their wish list. I doubt they have. I don’t think they do that until later. They may have new charges by then and/or had some move on. Not sure, but I will be keeping an eye out and let y’all know.
     To be honest, I’ve not really done much of anything other than concentrate on trying to finish this book. I’ve been bad, I know. I can’t say that I’ve done anything for anyone else in weeks. Hopefully I’ll be able to make up for that next month.
     I guess that’s about all I have for this week. Go forth, live well, do well and I’ll see y’all next week.

Anyone know who this is? I'd really like to know.

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