Sunday, April 26, 2015

Last Post from the Land Down Under...

     So… I'm sitting here in Melbourne, Australia… watching Aussie Football, again. I can't get enough of this game. I’m sure at some point I’ll better understand the rules of this sport. For now, I'm fine with just watching these hot hunky men run around in short-shorts and tank-tops/singlets. Strange these Aussies… they call flip-flops thongs!

     I think you get the general idea, huh?

     I really have to be careful about watching ‘the footie’ here though. It could be very embarrassing. There is nothing worse the throwing wood in mixed company while watching TV. Yeah, they are that hot.

     When May Wilson told me that she was a supporter of her local team and got to see these hot, hunky, athletes running around the locker room, I nearly fainted. I do think I may have drooled a bit though. Talk about being jealous. Holy hell, if I could do that, I think I could die a happy man. Oh yeah, that would be soooo worth coming back for. HINT-HINT, May. You think I'm kidding? Go look for yourself. Do a search for Australian Football Players and see. Do this AFTER reading this blog. If you go now, you may never return!

     I had a great adventure this week. Lauren took me to an honest-to-god sheep station. I was looking for cowboys and what I got was Jack-a-roos! They don’t have cowboys it seems on sheep stations. Who knew? I wasn't disappointed. Got some nice plot stallion material from Hammish. He took me by surprise each morning when I got a ‘G’day, Mate’, each morning. To my untrained ear, I had to pay close attention to everything he said. There were times when I was having to actually guess as to what the hunky young man was saying. Of course I was somewhat distracted by his muscular body. Seems working on a ranch does a body good. He is sooo going into a book.

     They call the place ‘Hay Plane’ and I can see why. It was as flat as a pancake. You can only imagine my surprise when I saw cotton fields and then rice patties as we drove up. The soil did remind me of Georgia in a lot of ways, as it was as red as the clay you find there. Of course the one thing I wasn't used to seeing was hundreds up hundreds of sheep. Yeah, you don't get that much in Georgia. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed lamb, so I've been eating it quite a bit while here.

     After the quiet, lazy days on the sheep ranch, we drove to Mildura, the breadbasket of Australia. More wineries, more cheese, more of everything. Zathyn Priest and Ali Wilde drove up from Adelaide to spend the day with us. It was great catching up with him and comparing notes on things. Always a fun thing to do with another author. I do have to say, that Zathyn is a pure delight to be around. Love you snoogums.

     It was my little bro's birthday, Will Parkinson’s, while we were in Mildura. In honor of his b’day, I got us some vegan cake like thingys. Lauren and I took one bite of them and then put them back. I have no clue what they were made of. They had pumpkin seeds and sesame seeds on the top. Since we didn't eat them we stuck them outside for the birds. Well, birds didn't want them. It rained, and rained long and hard, and don't you know those things were still solid after the rain. I swear you could have built a house out of those fucking things. I’d say they are a lot what I would expect a brick to taste like too. Good thing we had nice, big, juicy pork chops for dinner!

Happy Birthday, bro. Love ya, mean it. Kiss-kiss.

     After Mildura, it was off to the big city of Melbourne. It’s a big and bustling city with lots of people, lots of cars and lots of…well everything. Everything you expect from a booming metropolis. I think I’ll be able to handle it for a few days. Anything more than that and I’m sure I would go bonkers. There is a reason why I left Atlanta, and that is I’m tired of big cities.

     Sad thing is, for such a large metropolitan city, it had none, zero, zoink, NO strippers. I’m sure it is because this country doesn't have stripper money. I’m sure I could come up with a way to make this work… if I chose to live here that is.

     What I do like about this city is that they have a lot of great restaurants. Yeah, I know… more food. Sorry, I can't help it. I'm a foodie at heart. I’ll try and layoff the food bits for a while.

     I did a reading for a panel at Queermance. I’d never done one before and was scared out of my wits. I think it went okay. I was told it went okay, so I guess I didn't make a complete idiot out of myself. I'm never comfortable in being out front and center. It’s never been my style and I don't much care for it.

     Anyway, I was told that I needed to have a piece ready that was about five minutes long. I got close to that. I was also told that the panel was about writing erotica so I took that literally. Seems I was the only one who did. Of the other three panelists I was the only one that really went there. Yeah, I did the doughnut scene from My Hero it all its gory, cum filled, details. I did have an ‘Oh Shit’ moment when I realized that I was the only one who actually did a full on sex scene. Oh well, shit happens I guess. It is what it is. At least no one threw up.

     I did the long reading and felt like an idiot. I kept stumbling over my words. To add insult to injury, there were some photos taken. OMG I’m so fat. I think I will have my jaw wired shut when I get back stateside. Ugh, so not eating for the next year.

     I’m going to post photos of my trip on Tumblr, so keep an eye out. On that happy note, I think I need to go and get something to eat, find something to take my mind off of it. See how that lasted didn't you?

   Now I'm going to ask y'all to do me a great big favor... go and do something for someone else. Just a little something. Doesn't have to be much, just something nice. It's always a good feeling when you know you've done a good deed for someone. Trust me on this. It does work.

     Until next week…y'all have a good one, ya hear.



  1. Sounds like you are having a great time. Enjoy the rest of your trip. Look forward to the pics

  2. Oh Max, I've seen them and they are all you imagine! Cheer squad benefits are amazing :)