Sunday, November 8, 2015


     So… here I sit. I’m… well… a little sad I guess.
     I read an article in Advocate that rang true, sadly. The article was titled Gay Men Should Be Ashamed of Slut-Shaming. The author, Kit Williamson, did a very good job, in my opinion. Over the past few years I’ve noticed that gay men, mostly younger than myself, have become very vindictive in their attitudes towards other gay men, especially when it comes to sex.
     Here is the link to the article if you want to read it. I highly suggest that you do. I think it applies across the spectrum of sexuality.
     Why so judgmental? I know that a lot of people in the M/M genre have an issue with cheating and god forbid, an open relationship, but… and here’s the big thing to me… so many readers adore porn stars. If they are in a relationship, is that not cheating each time they ‘work’? And who are we to judge anyone’s relationship. I’ve always said, “Keep out of my bedroom!”
     So why the double standard? What works for some may not work for others. It is great that we here in the states can marry whomever we chose, but what if we don’t want to? Huh? What about that? What if a couple doesn’t want to get married and just want to enjoy being with each other… and others? Is it really anyone else’s business.
     "Today, it seems as though any individual’s expression of sexual desire outside of the confines of marriage is seen as a threat to our hard-earned place in society."
     I’m not straight. I’ve never going to be straight. I grew up with the idea that I would never be able to marry my partner. Never have I thought of myself fitting into any type of heterosexual type mold, so don’t try and stuff me into one now. It’s a little late in the game for that. Nope, I’m never going to marry, have kids, two cars and a house with a white picket fence. That’s not me. Was never going to be me.
     How about this…
     If you want to pay my bills, feed and clothe me, then and only then will I let you tell me what to do. Oh, and while you’re at it… next time you feel like someone else is doing something wrong… remind yourself of that, whether you agree with them or not.. YOU are not responsible for someone else’s actions, only your own.
     I’ve always tried to remind myself that until you have walked in someone else’s shoes, you don’t know what is going on in their life. Until you have, you might want to rethink that whole judging thing.
     Why don’t we clean up our own houses before we start throwing stones at others? Personally, I know I’m not perfect. Never will be. It isn’t for lack of trying, but it just is never going to happen. I dare any one single person to say they are either. It’s just not human nature.
     I caught a lot of flak for about cheating in My Hero. What many didn’t understand is that when you are questioning your own sexuality, having serious doubts about yourself, you need to figure it out. When a very basic part of your being is in question, when your life suddenly does a complete 180, you tend to freak out a bit. It was an iatrical part of the story. It had to happen.
     What I think bothers me the most is that so many people are just mean. I don’t like mean. My grandmother and mother both told me, over and over and over, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. I really do try and do that. I don’t always succeed, but I do my best, and I think I do pretty well.
     If you don’t like cheating, then don’t cheat and don’t associate with people who do, if it bothers you. Same thing applies if someone chews gum and it drives you nuts. If it bothers you that much, then stay away from them. There are plenty of people out there who don’t like me, and that’s fine. There are a lot of people I don’t care for. Guess what? I don’t associate with people I don’t like, unless I have to. It’s just that simple. Not everyone is going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay too.
     You know what…
     There is too many wonderful things out there in this big bright world to be brought down by snarky, bitchy, hateful people. Look, and you will find something beautiful, something that will make you smile instead of frown. Besides, frowning creates ugly wrinkles that no cream will be able to remove.
     As we move into the holiday season, I hope… wish that we can take a pause and think about what we say and reflect a bit on what we can do to make ourselves better. When we do that, we open ourselves up to things that make us happy, it does for me at least.
     Things that make me happy…
     I’m pretty simple to be honest. I like digging in the dirt. I like strolling through gardens, looking at beautiful plants. I like waterfalls and water gardens. I love good food and cooking for those I care about. I love my goofy dogs, even when they need baths. But what I like the most is when I see people smile.
     I love to travel. Being able to see beautiful cities, sample their food and explore new surroundings is a joy. But you know what? It is the people that I meet along the way that make it special. Buildings are just brick and mortar, but it is the people who love and care for these places, their home, that really makes it special.
     Each place I am privileged to visit, I see need. There is always that one person that sticks out to me. I make it a point to reach out to that one person, to let them know they are seen and that they aren’t invisible. I can’t think of anything more horrible than that.
     It doesn’t take much. I simple hello. A shake of a hand. A smile. A cup of coffee. The change in your pocket. Such little things can make a life changing difference to people sometimes. That poor kid in Paris is the perfect example. Each time I passed him, I gave him the change in my pocket. Before I left, he hugged me saying that because of that, he was able to get a cheap phone and could now find a decent paying job. It wasn’t much, or so I thought, it was just change. Who knew I'd given the kid enough to purchase a phone. Those damn pesky single euro coins.
     I still say that the Europeans have it all wrong with their not having paper one pound/euro notes. I’m convinced that is why there are no strippers readily available!
     One of the biggest rewards, something I love, is when I can reach out a hand and help someone. The reward is the smile. That small understanding that there is someone out there who sees them and cares. It may only be for a few seconds, but there is that spark that lets you both know that a connection has been made. That’s got to be one of the things I love the most about life. That spark that ignites a smile.
     Have a great week, y’all.
Joey D and Johnny V and Luke Adams a throuple. Cheaters??? Look pretty happy to me.


  1. Ah, to be young again. This week I did that silly A - Z game of questions and one of them was "Your one Wish". I replied that I wish I could be 20 all over again and know then what I know now. It would have saved me from making huge mistakes in my life. I think maybe instead of getting married, I would have had multiple relationships, or at the very least, an open marriage. I'm just not convinced, now, that all of us were meant to be monogamous. Look at all the cheating. In an open relationship or marriage, it wouldn't be cheating at all. I probably would have been much happier.

  2. I never get mean, malicious, nasty. In relationships (or just sex) it is what works for the people that matters not those outside. I push for the right for all consenting adults because it should not constitutionally be denied, but it's also your right to not marry. To live with whom and how you wish as long as it's mutual.
    In My Hero I cried out at the cheat because of the pain it would cause ultimately but I understood it and you felt it was your MC arch. No flack from me should be taken.
    Awesome post Max dear.

  3. At least in the Bear community, open relationships and poly seem to be the norm. Sex is just sex. I think a lot of the M/M tropes are out of touch with the reality of gay men's lives.

    1. You're right, Stephen. Thanks for the comment.

  4. Thank you for a Great thoughtful post. You are so right on every level ... judgement of others is so wrong! Take care of yourself ... help others ... give a smile ... that's being a human. So much easier to be kind & open than hateful & closed off. You lead the RIGHT kind of Life Max! Keep on keeping on! Love & Respect from Alaska

    1. Thanks, Ann. I plan to. ;-)
      Stay warm up there. LOL