Damn, can I ramble on...

     Sooo… here I sit… wondering what the hell am I going to blog about today? Who knows…? Hold on, major ramble coming up.
     Umm, I’ve been busy? Yeah, well that’s been an understatement. Ever tried to hang thirty feet of wallpaper boarder by yourself? I don’t suggest anyone try it. It’s a total pain in the ass. I had yucky, slimy paste all over myself. That stuff is really nasty.

     I’ve been doing a blog tour for My Hero: The Olympian, and that’s always a challenge to keep up with. Believe it or not, I’m really not good with blogging, not like Ryan Fields, the King of blogging. I still don’t know how he does it. I struggle with it every time. Trying to say something that doesn’t sound like I’ve said it a hundred times is not easy.
     Of course I’ve been trying to write while all this is going on. I’d say I’m a little more than halfway done with this next one. It’s not going to be an easy read I’m afraid. Might look for sales on tissues. That’s all I’m saying. Well, other than I think the cover is going to be over the moon!
     What else…
     Oh, I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner. That was something that kept me busy on Friday, which is when we celebrated. I had my friend Lauren here from Down Under and two other friends. It was actually nice to really cook for a change. I’d not done it in quite some time. At first I thought my knife skills might be a bit rusty, but it came right back. If there’s ever an argument about muscle memory, this proves that it does exist. I could feel my body getting right back into it. I think I need to do more cooking. I do love it.

     I did have a marriage proposal last week. Seems the poor woman can’t cook. Yeah, well that’s not happening. Well unless she has a very good looking brother to throw into the deal. Anyway, I politely declined. If she comes up with a cute houseboy, I’m might think about it.
     Okay, here’s a question for you…
     Who in the right mind would ever put down white tile flooring with white grout? I swear to all that is holy, if I ever get my hands on that/those person(s) I’m going use their ass to mop this damn floor. Grrr… with three dogs, sand and it being Florida, where it rains most every day, it is impossible to keep it clean. Pushes all my OCD buttons, let me tell you. Actually, now that I think about it… I can just shove a mop handle up their ass and use their face to clean this floor. If it is a guy who picked this shit out, I’ll make sure he lets his beard grow out. That’ll at least make me feel better. Damn floor… grumble… grumble…
     But then if it is a guy, with a beard, and a nice furry butt… well… I might reconsider, but he damned well better be hot as hell, otherwise, his face is going on the floor! Just sayin’…
     As some of you may know, I’m pretty much a recluse. I rarely go out. When I do, other than for food, I really have to force myself. I’m going to try and change that. Well… I’m going to make an attempt to get out more. The major problem is that people just tend to piss me off, so why bother. I know I’m cantankerous. I know I’m set in my ways. Damn, I’m old, I’ve earned the right. But… I know it isn’t healthy, so I’m going to attempt it. We’ll see how that goes. Might need some people to pull bail money together.
     Here’s an example…
     I go to Target to get some new towels. I was also looking for something… can’t even remember what it was now. Told you I was old… I forget shit. Anyway, there is the women who walked in just before me. She was on her cell phone. She got a cart and went on her way and I went on mine. I find the towels, browse around for a few minutes looking at some of the other bathroom stuff. (I just remodeled the bathroom. I’m loving pink flamingoes these days by the way.) Then I go off in search of whatever it was I was needing. I’m all over that store looking. I pass this same woman several times. She is STILL on that damn phone. Not paying a bit of attention to where she’s going, or anything around her. I so wanted to jerk that phone out of her hand and just tell her to get on with it. Did I mention she was loud? Oh yeah, everyone within a ten foot radius heard her side of the conversation. Just gossip. I don’t know why, but that crap just irks me to no end. See, I told you I was an old curmudgeon. Oh well…
     And…
     The Snowbirds are back in Florida. I never really understood why the locals complained about them. I mean, they are a tax revenue. They buy stuff from local shops and boost the economy. Right?
     Ugh… Ever seen a little old lady driving her white Buick, as she looks through the steering wheel to see the road. Lord knows she can’t see the end of that big ass car, as she drives twenty miles an hour in a forty-five mile per hour speed zone. Poor old thing. Sadly, it is when she gets out of that tank, and then I get scared. She’s using a flipping walker! How the hell can she drive when she can barely lift her feet off the ground?
     Now don’t get me wrong. I normally give the elderly a lot of consideration, since I happen to be one of them now, but honestly… isn’t that like a major safety hazard?

     Oh, there are some fine looking redneck boys running around here, in case you wanted to know. I do enjoy going to the Home Improvement stores early in the morning. My there is some fine looking eye candy bandying around. I think I need to go find something that needs fixing… It’s nice and warm today, so I’m sure there will be some wearing shorts!
    Remember those in need. Do something nice for someone else. Bank some good Karma coins this week.
    Have a grrreat week, y’all.
     Max

Yes, please and thank you.