An Explanation

     So… I guess I owe everyone an explanation as to why I disappeared for a while.

     There has been a lot going on in my life, some good and some not so good. The hurricane really did more damage that I’d initially thought, so I had to deal with all of that. I was without power for 11 days, and it was hotter than hell. Talk about grumpy.

     Then I’ve had some pretty significant health issues. I think things are going fairly well on that front for now, but having to work at it.

     I guess the big thing is I’m just tired of all the hate within the M/M community. Most of this comes from other authors, and as much as I hate to say it, it seems, for the most part, come from female authors. I’m not quite sure why, but it seems that some authors are either threatened by male authors or just don’t like me personally. I have spoken to a few other men who are writing in this genre and there are a few who have had the same experience that I have. Perhaps it is just a combination thereof. I’m not sure. All I know is that I’m pretty sick of it.

     Initially I thought of listing each time I felt slighted or treated badly, but I didn’t want to come off as some whiney bitch. What I will say is that I’ve been used, misled, lied to, catfished, slandered, accused of sexual assault, called a racist, a bigot and let’s not forget anti-Semitic! For the record, I am not any of these things. Then I was lied to and stolen from by not one but two publishers. So… yeah, I’m pretty fed up with the whole business.

     I’ve not written anything in ages. I’m talking months and months and months. Each time I’ve tried, my stomach turns into knots and I just can’t seem to do it. Hell, I’ve sat down to write this blog so many times I can’t even count how many times I’ve started. I’ve got drafts all over my desktop. I’m not even sure that this one will ever see the light of day.

     One thing that really bothers me is how badly some readers have been treated by authors. I’ve always held readers in the highest regard, or at least I’ve tried. It should surprise no author that sales are down. Personally, I think those who shell out their hard earned cash are just as tired of authors behaving badly as I am and who can blame them? I’ve heard from several readers who won’t buy an author just because of the way they’ve acted on public forums!

     I do feel bad for cutting myself off from readers, but honestly, I just needed a break from everything. Will I be able to write again? I can’t promise anything there. I’m not sure I have it in me.

     Just when I thought I was ready to try and dip my toe in the water and push myself back into things, my good friend James Vanzant committed suicide. I took this pretty hard. He’d sent out a message that bothered me so I responded and got nothing back. I called the police for a wellness check but they were too late. That is something that is going to haunt me for some time to come. I can’t help but wonder if there was something I could have done. Said something, anything? Who knows? What I do know is that I miss him each and every day.

     I have also made a life-changing decision that I am sure will shock a lot of people and more than likely piss a lot of people off. Sorry in advance for that, but it is my life and I need to choose things that are going to be best for me. I will discuss more about this at a later date.

     I knew as soon at Donald Trump was elected that my health care would be in jeopardy, and sure as shit, it has come to pass. There are so many things radically wrong with our healthcare system. Two years ago I saw a doctor in Australia with NO insurance for the same price as I see one here WITH health insurance. I’m not even going to go into medications. I will say that my medications this past year was slightly over $50,000.00 and I had to pay a hefty portion of that, or will be paying I should say.

     I’d like to thank everyone who has supported me while I lived what seems like a dream. Never in my wildest imaginations would I have thought I’d have written a book, much less several. They were stories that I enjoyed writing and I had a wonderful time doing it. It saddens me to feel like that has been taken away from me, but things change. Life is change and I will do my best to go with the flow. Will I write again? I just don’t know. Maybe one day. IF I do, I will continue to write for me first, a proud gay man.

     I hope that everyone has a healthy and prosperous new year. I also hope that we can all remember those who are less fortunate than ourselves and do something kind for your fellow human beings.

     Finally, I would like to thank everyone who has been there for me and supported me on this wild journey. It has been a blast. I’ve been able to do things that I’d never thought I’d be able to do. I’ve made many friends along the way who I will always cherish.

     Thank you all so much,
     
     Max