Wednesday, January 7, 2015

There's No Fool Like An Old Fool


     I didn't do a blog last week. I had one almost ready to go and then… well then shit happened. 

      I’m thinking that most of you who regularly follow me around, know what happened. I was ‘Catfished’. Until this week, I’d never heard of such a thing. Now I know what it is first hand. I can tell you, it ain't pretty. 

     What is Catfish? Here is the definition according to Urban Dictionary. 

     Catfish 
     A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances. 
     Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a pervy guy from San Diego! 
     Or 
     I was really falling for that gorgeous gal on Facebook, but she turned out to be a catfish. 

     Yes, it happened to me. I really should have known better. I thought I did. Just goes to show that there is no fool like an old fool. Why would a hunky twenty-two year old want a broken down ol’ horse like me? Yep, I should have known better. 

     Looking back, I can see there were signs. I guess I just didn’t want to see them. The hoax was elaborate and never ending. Why? I can’t really say. Only thing I can come up with was that this wannabe author wanted to sell books. Well, she certainly got that. 

     My bestie helped this woman out with free editing services for two books. My wonderful cover artists got scammed into doing a cover for her, at my recommendation. That one really makes me cringe. I cost her time and money. I have since offered to pay for the cover, to no avail. 

     This person also used mine and others contacts to get reviews, do blog tours and get other promotions. The books sold well, so there was monetary gain. She also received numerous gifts of things and of money. Let’s just say her kids had a very merry Christmas. 

     What I think she really wanted was attention. Thing is, this sick individual could have gotten it another way—by standing on her own two legs and doing the work that a lot of other authors have done. I can only assume she didn’t want to do this, but wanted to take a more dishonest course of action. 

     For me, this is much worse than someone dying. It is the betrayal of someone who I thought I knew, someone I loved, and someone I trusted. To find out that this person never existed is nothing less than devastating. At least to me it is. Not to mention the entire cast of characters that was also created in pulling off this deception. I’m still shaking my head. 

     The most heinous thing is the way she used her own children to perpetrate this story. How despicable can a person be? I shudder to think the life lessons they are learning here. 

     How am I doing? Here is an example of my thoughts over the last few days… 

     Oh look, Florida’s gay marriage is actually here! At least Dylan and I won’t… Wait, there is no Dylan. 

     I wonder if Dylan would like this garlic bologna… oh… there is no Dylan. 

     I need to really get on getting those season tickets to Disney for Boo… you dumb ass, that is never going to happen. 

     I wish Dylan was here so I wouldn’t have to get the ladder… shit… 

     It is hard to stop thinking about the person who I was expecting to be here in under a month. I wonder what excuse she was going to use to put off their leaving? I have a feeling it would have been something to do with the brain surgery and not being able to fly… a brain surgery that never happened on a person that never existed. Yeah, I’m a complete and total idiot. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around all this, obviously. 

     I would like to apologize to anyone who I may have introduced this monster into their lives. The responsibility is mine, and mine alone. I am truly sorry if you have been hurt in any way. 

      I know many of you have sent me private messages and tagged me in posts with well wishes. Thank you, one and all. However, right now I just can’t… well, just can’t. I’m sorry. I will get to them when I can. Until I can figure out…something, I don’t even know what to say. 

     Thank you, 

     Max






42 comments:

  1. I wish there were words to help you heal. Time. That's what they say, right? Don't call yourself an idiot. I think we all want to only see the good in people. When we get a glimpse of the bad we wipe it away as fast as we can. Take your time. Personally, my blog never spotlighted this person. I hadn't gotten around to reading their books. Now I'm glad. I am however saddened that it has hurt so many people. Don't think of yourself a fool but of a dreamer.

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  2. Max, there are no words to imagine your pain and your grief at having someone you cared about so cruelly taken away. You have no need to apologise to any of us for anything and I imagine this will everyone's reaction. We did what we did for YOU, out of love and respect for the man who is Max Vos. I doubt anyone will disagree with that. We feel for you because we care. I hope that soon you will find some peace in your wounded heart and be able to put this behind you. It will take time but it will happen because you are strong and have the support of a lot of people. xx

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  3. Max im so sorry and heartbroken for you please don't feel U need to appologize take the time you need to heal and know we are here for you and love you xoxoxoxo
    Ther a a place in hell for her

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  4. I'm send you huge hugs..... there is nothing I can say to this that hasn't already been said.
    Take care hun

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  5. Max, a few years ago I was involved in something similar, to a smaller degree. No money exchanged hands, but I was deceived and beat myself up for ages afterward.

    People lie. People cheat, steal, fake, and trick. Yes, we need to learn from it and carry on with our head held high...but we also have to accept that other people's actions speak most loudly about themselves.

    Learn what you can, and keep on. <3

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  6. It's not your fault. It's that simple. It's not your fault.

    It's hers!

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  7. This person actions were their own and you have no reason to be sorry. Take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Much love and hugs.

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  8. The fault doesn't lie with you but with the person who lied and cheated you. Don't blame yourself for their evil actions. I went through a similar thing a couple of years ago with someone pretending to be someone else. His (her) actions very nearly drove a dear friend of mine to suicide. People can be arseholes.

    You know where I am if you need an ear, even if it's just to talk music or violins xx

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  9. Sweetheart, the reason people reached out to "Emmett" was not because he was some new face in the MM author world... it was because they love YOU. You were the reason we all embraced and showed love to "him". I know you've been inundated with a lot of well wishes in the last few days but you need to know that in the last 48 hours I have seen more love and brotherhood in this genre and this community coming together, than I have in the past 5 years. It takes time to grieve from this loss and you need to take as much time as you need to do that because you lost a man you loved, a family you cherished... but you haven't lost us, your friends who love you like a brother. I love you, babe. You take gentle care. Huge hugs, Max

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    Replies
    1. Oh God, what she said. ^^^
      Love ya heaps hon.

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    2. Beautifully said. Thanks for voicing what we feel.

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  10. We may only have met briefly Max, but it makes me fume that such a kind, gentle man has been attacked in this way. This is in no way your fault. Sending hugs across the pond, LM xx

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  11. You are certainly not a fool...You are a lovely man who gave his heart out.......We are all here for you and in no way do any of us blame you for anything,.....You will get through this maybe slowly but surely xxx

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  12. You are a good, kind man Mr Vos, and she saw that and took advantage. Normal people would count themselves lucky to simply call you friend, she wasn't normal by any stretch of the imagination, and us creatives have a really big imagination. This is not your fault, and never will be. A friend and I had something very similar happen, and it hurts like hell. So many people care about you Max, remember that and come back to us soon xxx

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  13. You don't know me, I don't know you. Still I wish I could hug you and to find a way to make things better for you and everyone else who was betrayed.

    The last days I've read about what she did to set up her story and what I can say is: don't judge yourself too hard; everyone would have been fooled by her. You're a kind man and personally I prefer a wonderful “fool“ than someone like her. Yeah ... please don't change how you are

    Hugs
    Birte

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  14. This person who betrayed you is the fool. You did literally NOTHING wrong. You trusted. And we should trust.

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  15. Please don't worry about book covers and blogs and interviews. Those are little things compared to YOU! That is what we are ALL concerned about. Don't let this woman(for want of a better word) change who you are: someone kind, who places much importance on integrity and honour. This is how we see you and will always see you. This and your ability to love is what sets you apart from other males and what I think will get you through. We, your friends, will always have your back. Do what you need to do to heal you

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  16. I keep expecting to find out how Trent's camping trip went. Silly me, he's imaginary, but just like Dylan, he was real for a little while. I wish I could ease your pain, but only time can do that. Max you aren't a fool, just a man who fell in love. Some of us have been there too, but we survived and you will too, even though you may not want to or think you will. I was always told I came from good stock, bet you did too. You will rise from this. You will continue to be the good man you are because you came from good stock.

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  17. I'm sorry for your pain, and for the horrid betrayal this poor excuse for a human put you through. YOU are not to blame for anything done here! You are loved by so many, and no one who cares about you faults you for any of this mess. Hugs!

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  18. Honey, it's all on her not you. You were just being a basic, decent human being. Don't change just because of her. Don't let her win. Living well is the best revenge. ((Hugs))

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  19. Hi Max, we don't know each other but I read your story in Patricia Logan's posts on Facebook. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that this has happened to you. Other commenters are right that YOU did nothing wrong. You were there to support someone, opened your heart for love, and even tried to compensate for her deception. Ms. Patti is always praising your work, your loving heart, I just hope that this person hasn't taken that from you.

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  20. I don't know what it's like to go through what your going through but I do know what depression is like and I can only imagine the hurt you feel. I am so sorry for all you have been put through and continue to go through.

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  21. Max darling, none of this is your fault. Let me repeat NONE. This evil vile woman used her children to garner our sympathy and your generous and honourable nature to deceive and hurt you. be gentle and kind to yourself. I'm sure you would say the same to us. Prayer and hugs just for you

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  22. Aww Max, I am just sick this happened to you and for the pain it has caused you. You are NOT a fool you were deceived in the worst way. Please don't let this change you. Lots of love and hugs Suzy xxxx

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  23. Dont ever appologize for introducing this person to people you are a kind and gentle man who Always wants to help !
    You are NO Fool or idiot or whatever you are Max , amazing fabulous MAX! You got scammed in the worst way possible but you have so much support please know that you are not alone , one day when you are back around I will tell you my story about my friend "scott", it still hurts , it doesnt go away it just becomes less apparent in a way . You can do it if anyone can you can because you are one hell of a man and you have one hell of amazing friends and supporters. Again dont ever again appologize for something you did out of the goodness of your heart and dont lower yourself to calling yourself things that you arent. I am proud to call you my friend and I love you . Take your time when you need it bur realise people are everywhere to support you to keep you going and to show you love . Stay safe my sweet friend <3 Dani :*

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  24. Aloha Max

    She fooled us all Max. Don't think it was just you. Not that it helps. But you're not responsible for this. She was so plausible. Yes - some of us had our antennas pinged with certain things but she knew how to soothe and side step. I normally don't usually miss this stuff but I stepped I've over the red flags too.

    Sociopaths are good at what they do. I've only ever met one other and I hope that number stops at two. They twist and turn. Duck and weave.

    I know your heart is breaking. I wish there was something any of us could say to make it better. But there's not.

    I think you're right that there would have been a drama to stop 'him' coming out to you. A writer friend of mine said she'd probably have killed Dylan off with a sudden brain bleed. Then Trent would have taken over his writing. All for little Boo etc. And the game would have continued.

    Pure Evil.
    I'm so sorry.

    It's as if dylan has died. Treat the grieving as such.

    Aloha and care. Meg Amor.

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  25. I don't think anyone can blame you for believing in the goodness in humanity. I an truly sorry there are people like this in the world. I hope things get easier for you daily. I know you can't come out of this unscathed and trust will be hard to win from you, but I hope you keep your kind sweet heart. Many hugs to you and all those personally hurt by this betrayal.

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  26. Max you're a lot of things sweet, kind, funny, talented, trusting and loving are just a few. Please don't beat yourself up for being the victim of a sociopath.
    Know you're loved
    J

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  27. You and I, we've never met. I don't know you, and I don't think I've read any of your books. But you seem to be a beloved person, with an army of fans and friends here to console you. All I can offer is the prayer that time will heal. That you will remember that a liar lies. I have known, and had, people close to me who have betrayed me in the worst way possible. To the point that I wasn't sure life was worth living.
    Point is: Life is worth it. We all make mistakes. We are all capable of being fooled by a person whose goal is to fool. Do not second guess. Do not self-criticize. This is a time to heal, not to harm with negative thoughts. You are a beautiful man with loving friends and family--by relation or by choice. Embrace the love and reject the hate. You will find peace, and peace will heal.
    I cannot wait to learn how you turn this deeply personal adversity into fodder for ten thousand stories. I eagerly await them. You are cherished, and will persevere.
    All the best,
    Veronica

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  28. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug Max! You are not a fool, you're a wonderful man with a generous, loving heart who was targeted by a sociopath who will never know the joys of love -- they aren't capable of it. You are. We all love you Max and the only thing we want in return is your happiness.

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  29. Dearest Max ... you can always look in the mirror & say you did the best you could do with the information you had. You can still open your front door ... You can still answer your phone & read your posts without fear. You know deep inside you did RIGHT! You are not stupid or old ... you are empathetic.I have been a teen counselor & sociopaths are mainly unrecognizable. They are amoral & have no emotions. Be ever so grateful that you are NOT one! You are caring ... peaceful ... sympathetic ... loving ... be grateful you are one of these! Your equilibrium is off right now ... normal! You are feeling deceived ... normal. You have a community of friends caring & loving you ... normal for this group. We all embrace you & will give you whatever you need. Sending unequivocal LOVE from Alaska. Have all of your books & your true heart is displayed within there covers! Rest & heal, my friend! You did NO wrong ... except accept & love & support ... doing that which we preach!

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  31. (apologies I deleted the previous comment but I wasn't quite finished)

    Max my heart goes out to you. Please know that you did nothing but care for someone - encourage and support them, because that's the kind of man you are. You are far from a fool, but someone who opens his heart. I know it's difficult to see beyond the hurt you're feeling right now, but don't let them win. Give yourself time and space to breathe...to heal. Just know that whenever you need it, you have support. <3

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  32. Ihavent met you in person yet and I hope one day I get to so I can give a huge hug and get to feel the love and strength tou have inside. You are no idiot and we are fools when it comes to love, cause we all wanna be loved and you are loved. Take your time to heal and know that a lot of people are here for you. Huge Bear Hugs.

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  33. What I hear is a man, who is honest, sweet, kind, and trusting. YOU. You will not be the first, nor last to be scammed. That's why MTV has a TV show called Catfish. So, do not feel alone in this kind of con. Con artists are very good at what they do. They do it for a living, and prey on loving, kind, generous people. YOU are not a fool- Max. You are loved, and admired and no matter what happened, you still will be. Con artists will do as they please until some bigger 'fish' clobbers them good. And yes, I do believe this person will get what they deserve. In the meantime, heal, but know, this made you look like a kindhearted soul, and nothing more. xxxoo

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  34. Max, wishing you all the best. Remember that this was someone who was fraudulent in their activities, and their intent was to injure and hurt people emotional as well as financially. This was no fault of your own, although, I am sure that is of little comfort as you try to heal from this. It is horrific that this person felt the need to do this, for whatever reason. Hopefully you can lean on people you truly trust for support come back stronger from this. You are better than the worst that she could ever do. Hoping for healing and happiness for you. All the best!

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  35. Sending lots of love to you Max.♡♡

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