Sunday, September 21, 2014

Oh for fuck's sake!

     Here I sit, all broken hearted… not really. Psyche! Basically, I’m just sitting here pondering, getting into trouble, which normally happens when I’m somewhat bored. This is the first day that I’ve actually had to myself in quite some time. I got as much done as I could and am now waiting on edits to come back. Once that happens, it’ll be back to balls to the wall, so I’m going to enjoy this little respite while I can… or so I thought. 

     The phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered it anyway. Here is how the call went...

Me:      Hello? 

Caller:  Hello, my name is blah blah. We are with blah blah group and are conducting a survey about the political views concerning blah blah and blah blah. I was about to just hang up on the twit, but there was something about his voice. 

Me:      Oh? Caller: I’d like to ask you a few multiple choice questions. 

Me:      Okay. 

Caller:  Which candidate do you think blah blah blah…(Like I’m really listening to this…) 

Me:      What’s your name again? 

Caller:  Blah blah. So which would best suit your answer? Blah blah blah. 

Me:      So Mr. Blah, what are you wearing? 

Caller:  *quiet hush, then laughs* Oh, like that commercial. I’m supposed to answer khakis, right? 

Me:      Are you? 

Caller:  No, actually jeans. 

Me:      Cool. 

Caller:  Would your answer be A...blah blah, B…blah blah, C…blah blah or D…blah blah. 

Me:      (personally I don’t really give a shit.) “D,” I said, because I liked the way he said it. 

Caller:   Next question: Do you like, A…blah blah blah, B…blah blah blah or C…blah blah blah. 

Me:      Are they tight? 

Caller:  Huh? Are what tight? 

Me:     Your jeans. Are they tight? 

Caller:  Umm…I don’t see… 

Me:     (This is where I go in for the kill.) I bet they’re nice and tight. If you’re going commando I bet I could see the head of your dick. Bet it would taste good too. 

     Can you believe it? He hung up on me! Why do I have the distinct feeling I won’t be hearing back from blah blah group again?

     So… Here I go… into FB world to see what’s going on. Not been on there a lot lately because I really have been very busy. I see that I’m tagged in a post, so I go have a looksee. “…Max doesn’t watch porn.” Well…yeah, that’s pretty true. What’s in my head is usually much better last time I checked. There’s this one memory where a football player was actually…uhhh, I’m gonna save that for another time, I do believe. 

     Anyway, the comment was correct. They were talking about this one porn guy, who I’m sure my Smut Slut friend would know instantly. Of course I was clueless. So I decided to go have a look. 

     Okay…the guys were hot, and yeah, I threw some wood…didn’t last. First off, I really don’t want to look at some kid, who’s all shaved, waxed and plucked within an inch of his life. Hell, I’m pretty sure I had shoes older than this young, young man. Then I noticed something. The kid had no clue as to how to really suck dick. I backed the thing up and watched that small portion again. Yeah, the boy is clueless.

Uhhh, no. Just looks stupid. I'm not a pedophile which is what this reminds me of.

     Meanwhile, the guy, who was a bit older and closer to my type, but not quite, was wailing and caring on, telling the youngster to ‘suck my cock’ and so on and so forth. *YAWN* I was about to just shut it down but I made myself stick with it. 

     They move onto the fucking portion. Start off doggie style… more yawns. Now why is it that I got my balls snatched from a reader because I forgot to do the whole finger stretching thing but these guys are able to just jump right into, the water’s fine, move and no one says a word? Double standards, ya think? 

     So there is more wailing and grunting and carrying on. I swear, if I’d had a bottom making that much fucking noise, I’d find a ball gag, or at least a fucking sock to stuff in his mouth. Listen, I’ve done my share bit of fucking and I’ve yet to hear that much fucking noise while screwing some ass. Trust me…I’d remember that shit. 

     They flip to missionary, butt in the air, more pounding…yawn. Onto the side, then boy is on top, where he pops a load on the other guy’s chest. By this time I’m ready for nap. I’m yawning my fool head off. 

     Other guy flips, the kid starts to blow him, moaning and groaning the whole time, like he was still getting fucked or something. I could just imagine what was going through his head. ‘Won’t this yahoo please just get off so I can go get cleaned up, collect my money and take a nap?’ Moan, moan. Grunt, grunt. The other guy finally takes over jacking off, because the kid seriously can’t suck dick to save his twinkie little life. Busts a nut on the kid’s face, who is still moaning and carrying on like a wanton whore from some cheap dime-store high shelf book. Serious eye-roll. Really? Didn’t even try and lick it up or nothing. Mouth clenched up shut like some five year old refusing to take a dose of cough syrup. Dumb-ass. 

     I go back to FB and check the thread that I’d seen to make sure it was the same film that they had been discussing. Yep, I had the right one. Really? That’s what y’all think is hot gay sex? Shit…them boys need a man to teach them a thing or two! I thought that maybe this was some of those gay-for-pay type flicks. I go check. Nope, they’re gay. 

     Holy shit, do these kids have a lot to learn and I do mean a LOT.

     What happened to the Joe Gage’s of yesteryear? If y’all want to see some really hot man-sex porn, check out some of the classic, like El Paso Wrecking Company for one. Closed Set might even be better! That had grown men doing the nasty the way it’s supposed to be done! There’s nothing better than hot, sweaty, animalistic sex between real men who know what the fuck they’re doing. It’s dark, sweaty and fucking hot. 

Here it is in it's entirety!

     The older Falcon stuff was also pretty good, once you got through the pretty boy stuff. But damn, even then, those guys knew how to fucking suck dick. Sheesh, at least put some effort into it and quit screaming like some painted-up Barbie wanna-be female porn slut. By the way… I did mute that damn thing before it was done. My eyes were crossing it was so irritating. 

     So, I don’t get it. To me, these are children who need to have their butts wiped and put to bed at 9 p.m. and for sure sent back to school. Get a little life experience under their belts, and then try again. 

     Surely not all gay porn has turned into this…this…pansy ass crap. One day I’ll bolster myself to see if I can’t find something that is a bit more my tastes. Till then, I’ll keep my fantasy about the football play in the locker room that after his shower…okay, gotta go now. 

      Here’s my message. You know what to do. 

     See y’all next week,


Because I fucking like it, that's why!

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