Sunday, December 7, 2014

What You Always Wanted ToKnow About Gay Sex But Were Afraid To Ask

     Hey y’all. Hope you have had happy and productive week. I know I've been busier than a two-bit whore on full moon Saturday night. I’m late on getting this book out, but sometimes life just gets in the way. Oh well…it is what it is. 

     Earlier this week a reader commented on a FB thread that she wished she had a gay male friend who she could ask questions. I volunteered to answer any that she had and the next thing I knew I had a mailbox full of questions from quite a few readers. It seems that many women have questions but didn't have anyone to ask or were afraid to ask. 

     Pfft… ask me. I’ll tell you the truth, or as truthful as I feel comfortable with and within my boundaries of knowledge. I am sure there are something’s I don’t know, but I've been around a while and I’m not ashamed to say, I've tried just about everything once, well except for women. I’m still a gold star gay after all. 

     What was the number one question? Anal prep before sex. Okay, so here goes:

      Male Douching – “STOP! I have to go douche!” Yeah, not so much. I mean if a guy has a date and is anticipating getting his brains fucked out, yeah, probably. Or if a guy is planning a nice romantic romp with his honey, maybe. But when the mood hits… yeah, good luck with that. They aren't stopping to go sanitize. They go for it and hope for the best, which in most cases works out with no real mess. However, it can and has happened. 

      Anal Stretching – Sometimes. What? I can hear you asking from here. Listen, if a guy is an experienced and practicing bottom, rarely do you have to go through all the steps of opening him up. OH, and forget all that scissoring crap. First of it really doesn't do anything not to mention you’d have to have some serious finger strength to really do much good with a tight ass. Lubing with one finger, then two, then three if the top is really endowed. Go for more if you’re planning on doing fisting, but that is something that needs to be worked up to. 

      Lube – Most of the time, yes. Hell, I’d say 99% of the time. I've rarely met a bottom who could just open right up with no lube, and even if he did, the top might have some discomfort as well. Yes, the top needs that lube just as much as the bottom. Guys who are cut can be a little less sensitive than uncut guys when dry fucking, but still, lube is pretty much a given. (Uncut guys tend to have a natural lube container) Spit can be used as lube, just not as common place anymore and it does dry up pretty quickly. We used to say ‘spit and determination’, but most guys have lube around somewhere. 

      The Prostate – Magic Button, Love Nut, The Bump, all names I've heard, mostly since I've been reading and writing M/M. Gay men are not nearly obsessed with this as most people think. Yes it exists. Yes it has a part in anal sex. Yes it is fun to play with, but you don’t hear a gay guy say, “Oh yeah, that’s my prostate, hit it again.” You know you've hit it when his eyes roll back in his head or he screams “Fuck yeah!” 

     By the way, you don’t need to be ‘inside’ a guy to massage that prostate…just sayin’. You can do so from the outside just as easy, when the guy is aroused. Yep, that little brown love nut isn't very sensitive until fully aroused. It will swell up, filling with semen. Think of it as a little holding room. 

      Basic anatomy… the prostate is pretty much in the same place for all guys. It functions about the same across the board. Again, it really doesn't become all that sensitive until the guy is really turned on. So just jumping right in there without the guy being turned on isn't going to do much for him. 

     Rimming – Ass Munching, Butt Eating. Oh yeah. Most guys wouldn't turn down a good rim job. However, once again, it won’t do much for a guy until they are aroused. It has to do with blood flow to the nether regions. I don’t know a guy, gay or straight, that doesn't like a little hole play during a good blowjob. It becomes quite the erogenous zone when the blood starts pumping. 

     What’s it taste like? Well go find out for yourself. I think each person tastes different, all over, not just there. So there ya have it. 

     Does size matter – Well of course it does. Girth will make sure that everything gets hit, meaning the prostate. Length, well I guess that is a matter of personal preference. Some like ‘em really long, some not so much. Sex really is a matter of personal preference. I know a lot of women who are not comfortable with super long dicks. I know guys who don’t like long dongs. It’s whatever flips your switch. 

     Dicks – Oh, one of my favorite subjects. Personally, I think each one has its own personality. Some are super sensitive just underneath the head, others not so much, but have other places that get them going. Get to know your dick. That’s my advice. Experiment and see what revs that motor up. 

     Cut vs. Uncut – I think each have their own pros and cons. There is nothing I dislike more than a dirty uncut dick. To me it smells like someone smeared blue cheese all over stinky feet and left them out in the sun for a day. But there are some guys who really get into smegma, I’m just not one of them. 

     Uncut guys tend to be more sensitive around the glands, or head while uncut guys not as much. However, after a guy comes, the head gets super sensitive and often can’t have any stimulation at all without causing a lot of discomfort and that goes for both cut and uncut. 

      The Head – again, there are some things a guy really likes and dislikes. “Does it hurt to have the tip of a tongue in the tip-slit?” Uhhh, NO! Some guys really get off on it, some not so much, but it doesn't hurt. Hell, there are guys who enjoy sounding (putting things down the urethra). That happens to be their thing. 

     Testicles – Balls, Nuts, Gonads. Some guys really get off on having them stretched and some not so much. Again, it just depends on the guy. Trust me, you pull too hard and they’ll let you know real quick. 

     Hands Free Cumming - Yes, it happens all the time.

      Believe it or not, that is really all the questions I got. Guys, once they are turned on, are fairly kinky. There are of course those that freak out at anything out of the norm, but then they freak out over change period in my experience. Bless their hearts. 

      As we traverse into the holiday season I can’t help but think of some of the more unfortunate kids out there. Where I live is a relatively poor community. Some of the kids rely on the school system to eat. That breaks my heart. They didn't choose to be brought into this world and shouldn't pay the price for being poor. You would think that being a citizen of one of the richest, most powerful countries on earth, that children wouldn't go hungry or have no health care. 

      For all my curmudgeoness, bravado, kinkiness, whatever, I do have a soft spot for kids. Yeah, I know… it isn't often that I show that side of myself, but it is Christmas after all. I can’t help but see the need that is out there. 

     If you can, just try and do a little something this year, for a kid in your own community. Whether it is Toys for Tots, a church organization (that doesn't preach hate), or any worthwhile charity, please try and do a little something. 

     As always, I am a big supporter for Lost-n-Found in Atlanta. They have their wish list up. They aren't asking for toys but things like socks and underwear. A lot of those kids have nothing and are always grateful for things we often take for granted.

      My Hero’s this week are Jake and Travis Johns and the Johns family. I hope your lives are as blessed as those whose lives you have undoubtedly touched. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

     Y'all have a grrreat week,



  1. Great post , interesting , honest , captivating and informative , awesome xo Dani

  2. I can't disagree with anything here. Just had a PM exchange with another author about lube. I said basically what you just said, so I feel validated now that I didn't say the wrong thing. Have to share this post with her.

  3. I love to read your blog. I really appreciate your honesty and candor. The information was very informative and interesting. Thanks

  4. Hey, I already knew all this from my own experiences as a gay man. NOT!!! I'm so glad I got it right in my sex scenes for the most part... except the damn scissoring, dammit. I don't write that anymore but I know I have in the past and only because I'd seen it in so many MM books. Oh well, I suppose I get it right now because I watch so much damn porn. lol. And dammit number two... I want a prostate! Can you please give me a prostate for Christmas Santa Max... I really need one and so far my stocking has been missing one even though I ask every damn year. *sigh*

    Great blog as always, kind Sir

  5. And somehow I managed to conjugate damn 5 times in my last response. Dammit!