Last Post from the Land Down Under...

     So… I'm sitting here in Melbourne, Australia… watching Aussie Football, again. I can't get enough of this game. I’m sure at some point I’ll better understand the rules of this sport. For now, I'm fine with just watching these hot hunky men run around in short-shorts and tank-tops/singlets. Strange these Aussies… they call flip-flops thongs!

     I think you get the general idea, huh?

     I really have to be careful about watching ‘the footie’ here though. It could be very embarrassing. There is nothing worse the throwing wood in mixed company while watching TV. Yeah, they are that hot.

     When May Wilson told me that she was a supporter of her local team and got to see these hot, hunky, athletes running around the locker room, I nearly fainted. I do think I may have drooled a bit though. Talk about being jealous. Holy hell, if I could do that, I think I could die a happy man. Oh yeah, that would be soooo worth coming back for. HINT-HINT, May. You think I'm kidding? Go look for yourself. Do a search for Australian Football Players and see. Do this AFTER reading this blog. If you go now, you may never return!

     I had a great adventure this week. Lauren took me to an honest-to-god sheep station. I was looking for cowboys and what I got was Jack-a-roos! They don’t have cowboys it seems on sheep stations. Who knew? I wasn't disappointed. Got some nice plot stallion material from Hammish. He took me by surprise each morning when I got a ‘G’day, Mate’, each morning. To my untrained ear, I had to pay close attention to everything he said. There were times when I was having to actually guess as to what the hunky young man was saying. Of course I was somewhat distracted by his muscular body. Seems working on a ranch does a body good. He is sooo going into a book.



     They call the place ‘Hay Plane’ and I can see why. It was as flat as a pancake. You can only imagine my surprise when I saw cotton fields and then rice patties as we drove up. The soil did remind me of Georgia in a lot of ways, as it was as red as the clay you find there. Of course the one thing I wasn't used to seeing was hundreds up hundreds of sheep. Yeah, you don't get that much in Georgia. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed lamb, so I've been eating it quite a bit while here.

     After the quiet, lazy days on the sheep ranch, we drove to Mildura, the breadbasket of Australia. More wineries, more cheese, more of everything. Zathyn Priest and Ali Wilde drove up from Adelaide to spend the day with us. It was great catching up with him and comparing notes on things. Always a fun thing to do with another author. I do have to say, that Zathyn is a pure delight to be around. Love you snoogums.

     It was my little bro's birthday, Will Parkinson’s, while we were in Mildura. In honor of his b’day, I got us some vegan cake like thingys. Lauren and I took one bite of them and then put them back. I have no clue what they were made of. They had pumpkin seeds and sesame seeds on the top. Since we didn't eat them we stuck them outside for the birds. Well, birds didn't want them. It rained, and rained long and hard, and don't you know those things were still solid after the rain. I swear you could have built a house out of those fucking things. I’d say they are a lot what I would expect a brick to taste like too. Good thing we had nice, big, juicy pork chops for dinner!

Happy Birthday, bro. Love ya, mean it. Kiss-kiss.

     After Mildura, it was off to the big city of Melbourne. It’s a big and bustling city with lots of people, lots of cars and lots of…well everything. Everything you expect from a booming metropolis. I think I’ll be able to handle it for a few days. Anything more than that and I’m sure I would go bonkers. There is a reason why I left Atlanta, and that is I’m tired of big cities.

     Sad thing is, for such a large metropolitan city, it had none, zero, zoink, NO strippers. I’m sure it is because this country doesn't have stripper money. I’m sure I could come up with a way to make this work… if I chose to live here that is.

     What I do like about this city is that they have a lot of great restaurants. Yeah, I know… more food. Sorry, I can't help it. I'm a foodie at heart. I’ll try and layoff the food bits for a while.

     I did a reading for a panel at Queermance. I’d never done one before and was scared out of my wits. I think it went okay. I was told it went okay, so I guess I didn't make a complete idiot out of myself. I'm never comfortable in being out front and center. It’s never been my style and I don't much care for it.

     Anyway, I was told that I needed to have a piece ready that was about five minutes long. I got close to that. I was also told that the panel was about writing erotica so I took that literally. Seems I was the only one who did. Of the other three panelists I was the only one that really went there. Yeah, I did the doughnut scene from My Hero it all its gory, cum filled, details. I did have an ‘Oh Shit’ moment when I realized that I was the only one who actually did a full on sex scene. Oh well, shit happens I guess. It is what it is. At least no one threw up.

     I did the long reading and felt like an idiot. I kept stumbling over my words. To add insult to injury, there were some photos taken. OMG I’m so fat. I think I will have my jaw wired shut when I get back stateside. Ugh, so not eating for the next year.

     I’m going to post photos of my trip on Tumblr, so keep an eye out. On that happy note, I think I need to go and get something to eat, find something to take my mind off of it. See how that lasted didn't you?

   Now I'm going to ask y'all to do me a great big favor... go and do something for someone else. Just a little something. Doesn't have to be much, just something nice. It's always a good feeling when you know you've done a good deed for someone. Trust me on this. It does work.

     Until next week…y'all have a good one, ya hear.

      Max

Howdy From the Land Down Under!

     So… Here I am, sat at a table with Nic Star and my good friend Lauren Marks. Yeah, I know, I’ve been told that I shouldn't start off with ‘So’. Well, bugger off. OMG ARrrrrgggg.

View from Lauren's Kitchen window.

     I’m either sounding English or Aussie now. I blame the little English washer woman, a.k.a. Dub-Dub, a.k.a. the fabulous K.C. Wells for the English influence. Now I have Lauren rubbing off on me with her Aussie crap. She actually had me slip up and call a sweater a jumper the other day, for god’s sake. That’s fine… as soon as I get home I'm going to go to Greg’s Haystax and have a big ol’ plate of country fried steak. So butter my butt and call me a biscuit…before you bite me.

     Okay, now let me try this again… So… I’m in Oz and I've had a great time so far. I think I told you last week that I was looking forward to going to the grocery store. Yeah, I had a great time. Saw things I'd not seen before. Of course I did see things that I had seen before. Seems the American marketing machine is still up and running. Things are a bit different here. I can't believe how much things cost. One thing I loved was going to an actual butcher shop. Do you know how long it has been since I was able to do that? I do have to mention here that the Aussie’s have it all over the Brits as far as meats go. Hell, I have to admit they have it all over the US as well. Rarely do you see a butcher in the States anymore. The quality was great but it was a joy to see real sausages that were prepared at the butcher shop, and I'm not talking about the normal breakfast sausage that Americans are used to. No, these were there real deal.

     And the veal... I can't even remember the time that I saw veal steaks at the market. Uhhh… like maybe never? At any rate, I had a great time. Now, it didn't hurt that the two butchers there were equally hot as hell. One had one of the most perfect asses I've seen in a long time. I do plan to go back. Maybe I can sneak a photo. Take a page from Dennis Quinonez's playbook. We'll see how that goes.

     I give big Kudo’s to Lauren’s leg of lamb roast for Easter dinner. I don’t think that I could have done any better. Over all, I ate so much that day that I was in food coma the rest of the night. I did manage to actually get her mother to hit me with a spatula, which I took as compliment. Of course she did blush a bit when she threatened me with a second swat and I bent over and said Yes, please.”

     At this time we are in the wine country of Hunter Valley. We went and had a tasting at Lindeman’s winery today. I've been a fan of their wines for several years now. I love cooking with it as well as love drinking it. It makes the best Robert sauce.

     Anyway, I digress…I was a tid bit loopy when we left. The food was incredible, the wine was great. Well, all but two were. Of all the wines, ten different bottles, I liked most of them. And no, we didn’t drink the whole bottle of each tasting. Geez, what do you think I am? A drunk? I leave that to Lauren. Okay, she’s not one either, but she can put away some wine.

     The best is yet to come: Kangaroos! Yep, there were herds of them in the front and back yard of the place I'm staying. It was amazing! Big ones. Little one. Some would just sit and stare at us and others would casually hop along. It was a great experience, one I will always treasure.

     I will be here for two nights and almost three days. So far I've been able to write some on this blog and also a bit on the WIP. For all you Sutton fans, there is more coming. And yes, James, I’m going to be getting back to My Hero very soon. Hopefully on this trip. I also had some plot stallions running through my mind. I've already got more than I can finish this year and still adding more. I won't be out of fresh material anytime soon… like in the next two years or more.

     Just a quick stop over so I thought I would post this blog before heading off to our next big adventure. Can anyone say 'Cowboys'? Again, I won't have internet for several day, until next Friday I think. So you all behave yourselves and I'll catch you next week.

     Remember, it never costs anything to do some little nice thing for someone else. It can be really simple.

     Take advantage of that.

     Later, y'all!

     Max

The Land Down Under...

     Note: It was my intention of doing this post Wednesday, on the layover to Sydney, but the internet was for crap and I couldn't really find a place to sit down and finish it. Instead, I went and watched the hot Arab guys at the Emirates airline.


     I've had this thought running through my head over the last few hours so I thought I would go ahead and throw this on out there…

     As most of y'all know, I'm winging my way to Australia. (I sure hope I don’t kill someone on this long-ass, fifteen-hour flight.) But, I’ve been looking forward to this trip for months now. One of the things that has peaked my interest about going to OZ is Aussie Football. No, it isn't rugby, but football.


     There are some things that are similar to US Football, but different enough to make it a bit of a learning curve for me. You see, I love football. Mostly college football. Yes, I’m a huge Tennessee fan; and yes, I do have extra-large orange and white pom-poms on my desk, along with a mini orange and white football, a smoky dog, and yelling football helmet, and a few other things. So yeah, I’m a fan.

     Any US Football fan knows the trouble that the NFL has been having lately. Lawsuits out the butt over injuries, costing them millions. For those of you who are not sports fans, the NFL knew that there were issues with helmets and putting players back into the game when they had concussions. The lawsuits stem from that. It all came out, as it usually does, about what they knew and when they knew it. It is sad that there have been several suicides by players who've had head injuries. It is downright scary to think that some of these talented athletes had no other choice. I can't imagine what they must have been feeling.


     So listen up National Football League, and all other football institutions (NCAA). I have a solution that will perhaps end this problem for you. It has occurred to me that the reason there are so many head injuries is because these guys have been given a false sense of security in wearing helmets. In other words, they are wearing way too much gear.

     Having watched some Aussie Football, okay a lot of AFL football, they don’t go running into each other using their heads. Even if they did, all they’d hit is the body, not some hard-ass plastic. The solution here is either let them play naked or perhaps just a jockstrap. Yep, you heard it here first. Naked NFL/College Football.

     Think of the huge upswing in your fan base. More women would watch, and don’t forget how many more gay men would be foaming at the mouth, just waiting for the game to start. I’m sure that many pizza delivery places would thank you, as well. People wouldn’t want to miss a moment of the action. And OMG, the M/M genre readers would be lapping that stuff up. A big center, bent over, the quarterback playing with his balls while waiting for the football? Oh hell, yeah. They'd be all over that.

     Not only would it help keep players healthy but think of the money you’d save on equipment and uniforms! It would be millions saved. Okay, maybe tank-tops and very short-shorts, gotta have something to sell, right? Still, that would be a huge savings. Naw, go back to just naked. I mean the Romans did it for the Olympics, right?

     So… I’m sitting here in a suburb of Sydney, a light rain falling, and as I look up the hill I’m reminded of the Thornbirds, which I read and then watched so many years ago. It helps that I’m sitting on a veranda of a historic home which is so typical of the architecture here. Yeah, I’m loving it. I can't help but think of how different it is here, although I've seen very little of it as yet. Give me a break, I've only been here a little over twenty-four hours. The big excitement of the day is going to be grocery shopping. YAY!

     Yeah, I know for most of you that isn't all that exciting but being a total foodie, it is for me. I always try and go to a few grocery stores when I'm visiting different places. It is amazing what you can find, or things that are different from what you normally see.

     Like in the UK last year I saw Fairy Soap. I thought that was hysterical. You can learn a lot about cultural differences by food shopping. I loved shopping in Paris last year. I swear I nearly had an orgasm in just about every shop I went into. Anyway, I’ll post more as my trip goes along. Right now, I've talked myself into a fit of hunger.

     Remember, there is someone out there who could use a little helping hand. Reach out and touch someone and make their day a little bit better.

     Later, y'all.

     Max

     Oh, and happy Easter, y'all.