Guilty

     So… it’s been a week, a mish-mash of things. I’ve worked some, I’ve played some and I’ve been lazy some. Not too bad I’d say.

     This week, I did something that I’m kind of proud of. I helped someone who really needed it. It wasn’t a lot, but it was timely and helped this guy out who was in crisis. Sometimes just listening to someone can be a big help. At any rate, it was enough to make me feel like I made a difference. Woo-hoo. I'm a superhero.
     And then…
     And then, I did something that startled me and made me a bit ashamed. I actually hung my head and chastised myself. You see, there was this woman at the grocery store, who I am sure is a very nice person, and while she was talking to the cashier and said, ‘I’m a Christian,’ and went on about something else.

     I immediately shut down, the wall went up and the defenses surfaced. This is a normal reaction for me. It’s called self-preservation. Why? Well back in the dark ages, when I was a youngster, and I first realized I was gay, it was open season on homosexuals. Stonewall had just happened and was in the news a lot. People were talking about it and it was far from positive.

     Their first and almost instant response when they spoke of gays was to say they were going to hell and quoting the bible. In those days, we were sick, perverts, pedophiles, our souls taken over by Satan. The church, any church, were the frontrunners for the attacks. Of course living in the South, in the heart of the bible belt, wasn’t exactly the best place to be a fledgling gay child.
     Now of course, me being me, not one to keep my mouth shut, I pretty much shoved it down their throats once I was outted. Oh, and high school was such a joy… not. Back in the ‘70’s it was pure hell to be honest, and that is where I was outted. Yeah... so not fun.

     I had an uncle that didn’t even want to be in the same room with me. His son went to Freedom University, Jerry Falwell’s school. My cousin, who had a Master’s Degree in Theology, couldn’t put a proper sentence together and when I shook his hand, it was like taking hold of a lukewarm, wet, half dead fish. Of course, it was this part of my family that I avoided. They always made me feel like a leper. But the underlying foundation for their, and most everyone else’s, dislike and condemnation  of me was the Christian bible.
     Victoria Holt was a major player in the Episcopal Church that I grew up in. When she heard the rumor that I was gay, her whole attitude towards me changed. She looked down her nose at me, would ignore my mother and I if we walked into a room, wouldn’t look me in the eye and was heard to tell people that I shouldn’t be allowed to come to church. That’s when I left the church. I was sixteen. I never told my mother why I refused to go after that.

     Over the years, I’ve dealt with Christians telling me I’m going to hell, that I’m not fit to live among decent people and so on and so forth. What did I do? I took the power. The one thing I’ve learned in my many years walking this earth, is that knowledge is power, so I educated myself.
     What I’ve learned is that most of those bible-thumpers had never actually read the bible. They only went by the quotes that they were told. I swear at times it was like shooting fish in a barrel. It was/is an interesting journey, I will admit. It is rather fun to watch people who want to… try to, condemn you squirm like a worm on a hot sidewalk.

     I remember years and years ago, when my sister got on her high horse, trying to ‘save’ me. Now my sister is no dummy and she held her own for a while… until it got to the history part. That’s when she shut up pretty quickly. I told her that if she really liked her religion, benefited from it, then she had better stop or I would take it away from her. She didn’t believe me at first. Later that night she begged me to stop. She has since gotten over that overly zealous, religious phase of her life, thank goodness. She is still a practicing Christian, but she knows better than to challenge me with it, and will openly tell anyone not to bring up around me.

     Anyway…
     Why then was I kicking myself? Well… because I had just had a rather heated discussion defending Muslims, saying that not all of them were religious nut jobs.
     –sigh-
     I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching is what it basically boiled down to. Admittedly, I’ve only known two true Christians my entire life, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t others out there. I am fairly certain that there are plenty of good people out there who are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and whatever organized religion that there is. Unfortunately, the ones that get all the attention are the ultra-conservative, right-wingers who are pretty much bat-shit crazy.
     I came home and gave myself a good butt-kicking, a long talking to and then cleaned the bathroom. I would have cleaned the refrigerator, but I didn’t think I needed that much of a penance. I don’t know what I would have had to of done to be that bad.
     Needless to say, I need to try and change my years and years of self-conditioning, my automatic shielding myself from Christians. The automatic distrust, dislike and fear of being attacked by Christians. My automatic disdain for those proclaiming to be Christian. Yes, I am guilty of all of that.
     Now don’t get me wrong… if they come after me, I am fully armed and equipped to take them down and I won’t hesitate to do it. I have done it. I’ve made ministers cry and enjoyed doing it.
     So… I’m going to try and be a better person. I try not to judge others. I try to be nice to everyone. I do try to be patient… not my strongest trait, and I do try to be kind and understanding. I just need to try and little harder and leave some habits behind. I think that if I concentrate hard enough, over a glass of milk, I might be able to accomplish this. Oh, who am I kidding… it would take a whole dairy farm to break a habit that I’ve had since about age seven, but I’m going to try.

     I leave you with this…
     Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember that your neighbor is your charge. Don’t gossip. Do something nice for someone and you will be a better person.
     Have a grrreat week, y’all, 
     Max

Here I Sit...

     So… here I sit, once again. I don’t know ‘bout y’all but I’m sitting my big butt down. I’m afraid I’m back to rambling again. No real theme or ideas… again. Where this will end up is anyone’s guess.

     Here goes...
     It’s been a pretty good week. Since I finished Olympian, I decided to take a few days off and get some other things done that I’ve let fall by the wayside and to have a little fun. I don’t think I knew just how much pressure I had put on myself in getting that book done. It was like a huge weight off my shoulders. It has been a rough last few months, let me tell you.

     Anyway, I had fun just doing little stuff around the house, futzing about with no real goal. I even went and had a look at a garden nursery. Anyone else do that? Just go to wander about to see what there was to see? I do like strolling about looking at plants. Maybe I’m just weird that way.
     I will admit that I did do a little work, writing work that is. I’m taking my time letting it flow as it wants, just enjoying doing it. That’s when I enjoy writing. I think I was just so afraid of disappointing anyone with the sequel to My Hero, that I’d put a lot of stress on myself. Anyway, it is done and I’m moving along onto other works. Yay me!
     What else…
     This is Gay Rom Lit (GRL) week. While I am missing seeing a lot of fun people, readers and authors alike, I just couldn’t bring myself to go. I’ve seen some photos and such online and while I’m glad everyone is having a good time, I do miss being part of it. Oh well, it was my decision and I’m sticking with it. I do hope that everyone that’s in attendance has a good time.
     Other news…

     I kinda fell off the wagon this week. I just couldn’t resist. I was just craving it so badly. Next thing I know… a half gallon later… I was sated. Addiction is a terrible thing. As far as I know, I’m the only one that has a milk addiction. Just goes to prove how wacky and crazy I am. I’m just glad that there weren’t any Tim Tams around. I’m sure they would have been eaten in one sitting.
     And now to the weather…
     It seems the long hot Florida summer is over… finally. Yay! To me, it seemed to go on forever. Last year the cooler temperatures started about mid-September. Not this year. It felt like it was never going to end. The second week of October felt like August to me. I think I would be okay if it was just the heat, but it was just as humid as it was hot. That’s just yuck. I hate it when my nuts stick to my leg. I stand up and start shaking my legs to dislodge ‘em. I think the dogs must think I’m nuts…um…errr… crazy.
     Speaking of which…
     One morning, earlier this week, I was cleaning off the dining room table and happened to look up and out the window. There was my next door neighbor up on a ladder. It appeared that he was doing something with an antenna or something like it. Of course he looked over and waved. I guess it didn’t faze him that I was standing there buck ass naked. Normally he wouldn’t have seen me because of the privacy fence, but he was on a ladder. Oops. Oh well, shit happens.
     I saw something a few days ago that I now wish I had saved. It was a little saying about Karma. It said something along the lines about Karma is only a bitch if you are. As I have said before, Karma can be a very good thing and it usually carries interest. So, don’t be a little bitch. Do something nice for someone and get those good Karma coins in your bank.
     Have a grrreat week, y’all,
     Max

I couldn't resist. :D

Warning: Mad Ramblings Ahead

     So… here I sit. Nope. Not a clue. Practically brain dead I’d say. Alright, I’ll give it a go… let’s see what ramblings I can come up with…

Just because they're pretty.

     This week I finally finished My Hero: The Olympian. Finally. I’ve been working on and off on this book for about two years. Why so long? To be honest, I was terrified of this book. It is very hard to live up to the expectations of a book that was, and still is, so popular. I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t crap. I’m still not sure.
     I’ve been very self-critical, probably overly so. Then there were times I just couldn’t get my head into it. Then moving… twice, having personal issues surrounding me and basically just crap going on. But it goes back to I was just afraid of it. It’s a great milestone for me to have it done.
     It’s a whopper too! I didn’t set out to write such a big book, but it’s just the way it went. Rich and Johnny had a lot going on and they weren’t going to be pushed, as usual. Just a hint, but the damn thing is well over twice the size of the first one.
     One of the things that really helped me get over the hump is Jared Bradford’s narration of the first one, My Hero. He brought it to life for me. I’ve never really listened to audiobooks before and this was a real treat for me. There were times I sat here thinking, ‘Wow, I really wrote that?’. So you may thank him for helping me get this one done.
     Anyway… it’s done now and in the hands of the first round of beta reads. I’m trying to not think about it right now.
     Okay, I’m going to rant for a moment… I’ll try and keep it short…
     This week someone told me that once again I’ve been accused of acting inappropriately at a Book Con. I swear, I don’t have to do anything to get into trouble. Anywho, it was said that at the UK Meet in 2015 I touched the backside of one of the naked butlers. Guess what? I did! And I liked it too. BUT, (pun intended) this is where it gets interesting: I had permission. I asked first. Actually, I didn’t even ask. All I said is I want to touch it. The young man turned around, stuck that cute furry tushy out and said ‘Go ahead’. So I did. He was very nice about it and we had a nice chat later.

How could I resist?

     All very innocent, right? That was all there was to it. However, someone who must have been watching took offense. Really? What is more important to me though is why it even came up in the first place. Now, I didn’t go to the UK Meet this year (so how the hell did my name get dragged into this?) but as is normal fare in this genre, the tongue wagers were out in force. It seems that some people took offense at the naked butlers showing up again this year. I don’t understand why anyone would have a problem with very cute men running around in nothing but an apron. All their important bits were covered. I don’t get it to be honest. It was all for a bit of fun and I personally loved it.
     I think this was all started by a bunch of prudes, if you ask me. Listen up people, if you want to read about gay men, men who have sex together, don’t go getting all indignant when real men show up. You want to read about men having sex, being in relationships, but then get upset when men are running around half naked. Really? Get a life.
     To the organizers of the UK Meet I say: Keep up the good work. Don’t let a few petty people dictate how you do things. I say keep the naked butlers. Hell, throw in a few strippers while you’re at it. If they don’t like it, they can either go and do something else, not come or get over it. You aren’t going to please everyone and if you try, you will fail. Don’t let those few prudes ruin the fun for the rest of us.
     Okay, rant over… what else…
     Damn…I’m at a loss now. There’s just not much for me to say I guess. I really have sequestered myself off from the world to get that damn book done. I’ve gone to the store… one must have food and I went and helped a friend out with a couple of his horses. That’s it. I’ve not left the house other than that. Pretty sad, huh?
     I guess that’s about it for this week. You know what I’m going to say, don’t you? Ha, you’re right. Go forth and do something kind for someone else. Rack up some of those positive Karma Coins.
     Till next week, y’all,
     Max

I couldn't resist. LOL

No, I'm Not Drunk...

     So… this is my third attempt at doing a blog for this week. You would have thought I was either drunk or on drugs after reading the first one. Hell, I was trying to remember if I’d been drinking when I wrote it. No, I hadn’t. The second one… well, it started to sound like a rant, which is not at all what I had intended. Maybe I’ll go back to it later and see where I went wrong.
     In the meantime…
     What’s up, y’all? I’ve had an interesting week. I got some solid writing done, which is a good thing. I was able to help a few people out, one of which was my friend John. As I posted on FB, his partner had a medical procedure done and ended up stuck in the hospital, so I got to go and feed horses and watch the very hot farrier shoe a horse. Nothing like a watching a very handsome man bent over in front of you. And yes, he has a very fine… well pretty much everything. I’ve always been a sucker for dark hair and bright blue eyes.
     As of this morning, the temperature is below 70F! Yay! It’s about time. I’m really over the hot and sticky summer weather. Maybe I’ll be able to go out and play in the dirt some more now that it is cooler. I hope it lasts. I have all kinds of fun things planned for the flower beds!

     I spent quite a bit of time doing some research. I think I’ll be doing a blog post on that later. (It was the one that started to sound like a rant.) At any rate, it was both interesting and disturbing. At least to me it was. I’m still shaking my head.
     Now I would like to take a few moments to thank everyone who has purchased My Hero, the audiobook. Its release has really breathed new life into this story. Thanks to Jared Bradford for his brilliant narration. It was his work that finally got me over the big hump to getting My Hero: The Olympian finished. It still astounds me that people actually like my work.

Available on Amazon and Audible

     What else…
     I spoke to a friend of mine last week. This is a friend that I’ve known most of my life. We can go months without talking and still pick right back up like we’d seen each other yesterday. There are things that we’ve done and experienced together that… well I’m just glad we weren’t arrested… or killed. But then I can say the same thing about my sister!
     Anyway, he asked how the writing was going. I told him about the last book, what I had going on, meaning the next few books. About the book convention, Rainbow Con, that I’d gone to. That’s when he stopped me.
     “You? You did a panel?” You see, I’ve always been pretty much a recluse. Okay, there were the good ol’ days back in the early 80’s when I was out every night partying my butt off. I was a bit of a wild child in my young adulthood. After that… yeah, I pulled back… a lot.
     The first GRL that I attended in Atlanta nearly scared me to death. I seriously thought I was going to have another heart attack, it was that bad. Even in Chicago, I was terrified. In the evenings I stayed in my room, only attending one evening function. Of course I did have the excuse of my feet killing me from all that walking, but in truth, I could have taken drugs and gotten through it.
     No, I really don’t mind being alone. I prefer my quiet life, secluded from prying eyes. I do enjoy having houseguests however. The one on one time is preferable to me over the big crowds and wild parties that some of the book cons can produce. This also goes back to that blog that I scraped, the one I mentioned earlier.
     The biggest problem I have with my solitary life is I hate trying to cook for just myself. It really is a royal pain in the ass. Fresh produce is the biggest problem. It’s very hard to eat it all before it goes bad. Then there is the issue of cooking something and then getting sick of it after the third meal. Yes, I can freeze portions of it, but at some point, you have to eat it. I don’t have a separate freezer and that stuff takes up space. So that is my biggest complaint about living alone.

     Of course my sister hates it. My living alone that is. She worries. I think she’s afraid that I’ll fall over from another heart attack, fall off a ladder, or some other disaster and no one will find me before I’m good and truly ripe. I have to admit, that is a bit of a concern, but I figure I’m a bit young for be shipped off to the old folks home. I’m still kicking it pretty good. Besides, my friend John checks in with me on a daily basis, so there is a bit of a safety net there.
     Anyway, my friend was really surprised that I would actually get up in front of people and talk and take questions. “That is so unlike you.” Now my sister is thrilled… to some extent. She said the biggest bonus is that she gets to see photos of me, something I’ve avoided for years. People are hard pressed to find a photo of me from age thirty through fifty. Even then, from age twenty-five to thirty, there are very few. I think my sister may have a couple, but other than that…next to none. No, I still don’t enjoy it, but I’ve resolved to the fact that it is just part of the job and I have to deal with it. I always look like a fat cow.

     Let’s see… Oh…
     I was thinking of my friend Julie this week. This time last year she was busy making hats and scarfs for kids who were living on the streets of Chicago. With winter fast approaching, I give thought to those who won’t have a hot meal, a warm place to sleep and inadequate winter clothing. This problem is rampant in the young LGBT community. Did you know that the majority of youth living on the streets are gay?
     In many of the major cities around the world, there are centers that help these young people. Check them out. I’m sure that many of you may have old coats, scarves and such that you don’t use. Perhaps think about donating them? I plan to go through my closet today and ship off some of the ones I don’t use anymore. How ‘bout you?
     I guess that’s about all I’ve got for this week.
     Max

Anyone know who this is?