Oh well, shit happens.

     So… I’m sitting here a bit melancholy. My friend, Lauren, has left after helping me get the new place ready to move in to. She busted her butt scraping, sanding, painting, and cleaning. Now don’t go thinking we didn’t have some fun, because we certainly did that. We laughed to the point of crying many times during the week. It was great. However, there were times when we were so exhausted, we nearly fell asleep in our dinner plates. Each of us was waiting, phones at the ready, to see if the other would actually face-plant into the plate.

     Another thing that is making me rather sad is the view I currently have that I won’t have at the new house. The open pasture with a fine mist hovering above the ground. The Spanish moss dancing sensuously in the air, as a finely shaped horse lazily grazes while the sun reaches out its warm fingers, tickling the new spring-green of the landscape. Yes, I’m going to miss this view. This is what I expected to see each morning for the rest of my life. Oh well, shit happens.

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     On the upside, I love the new house. Yeah, it needs a LOT of work, but I can see the potential there. It reminds me of Dean Martin, bow tie undone, martini glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Of course, he’s singing, ‘Everybody Needs Somebody Sometimes’. Great. Now that song is going to be stuck in my head all day. UGH! I keep doing that to myself lately.

     Another good friend has also been helping me. Taylor Law has scrubbed so much dirt and grime up that I’m surprised she’s not hurled yet. And yes, one room was so bad that it took seven coats of Kilz Ultimate Primer to cover that filth. How anyone can live with that is beyond me. Oh well, that room was the worst and the first to be redone. Other than closet doors, it is finished. Yay!

     Of course the Plot Stallions have been running rampant lately, and of course, I’m too busy to stop and write. I hate it when that happens. I actually have three books well on their way, and can’t find the time to get to any of them. What a pisser. After having such a dry spell of not being able to write when I had the time, I now have NO time and that is all I want to do. It’s enough to drive a man to drink… milk.

     Speaking of which, I have been doing much better with my milk addiction. Less stress can’t be the issue because I’m stressed over this move. I have to realize that I’m not super human and I can’t do the things that I used to do when I was 20-30 years younger. My mind says yes and my body says, “Oh fuck, no you don’t!”  Let me just say that trying to install a ceiling fan with tri-focals is a bitch. I practically have to bend over backwards to be able to see. I am truly surprised I’ve not fallen over backwards onto my head off a ladder. I have six more light fixtures to replace so it might happen yet. Anyway, I’ve not been drinking as much milk lately, so that’s good. I’ve not found that twelve-step program for such an addiction, as of yet.

     I met a man. Yep, a real man. So far he’s pushed about every button I have. Dark wavy hair, steel blue eyes, a body that screams, ‘Lick Me!’ and a smile that would boil water. He had on a shirt the other day that I’m surprised his nipples didn’t rub a hole into. I so wanted to rip it off him and just chew on them suckers. Whoa, but he’s hot. Maybe, I’ll one day have the nerve to make a move on him, when I actually have time. It’s sad when you really would like to just slow down, at least long enough to jump someone’s bones, and you can’t. I’m still wondering when this retirement thing is going to kick in. Here are a few pictures that I was able to get.

     Puppy Update: They are horrible, pooping, eating machines. If I didn’t already have a house full of dogs, I’d gladly keep this little boy. He is adorable beyond reason. I take that back… he’s a horrible, pooping, eating machine. Ugh, I give up. He’s precious. I still can’t keep him though.

     I’m still going to do my best to go to the South Florida Meet in Ft. Lauderdale, March 7^th. It is free to everyone and I’m looking forward to going. I’ll have books with me for those who want them. It will be good to get out of town for a day or two.

     One more thing… is there anyone interested in going to Gay Day at Disney World this year? It’s from June 2^nd thru June 8^th. Another friend and I have discussed it and have toyed with the idea of renting a big condo close by. If anyone is interested, let me know. I think it would be a blast. I’d be willing to have some Inappropriate Max Vos T-shirts made up for the occasion. Those who participate with the event are supposed to wear red shirts. Orange and red can go together, right?

     Well, that’s about all I have for this week. Stay tuned… there is bound to be some good stories after the move. My bestie from the UK will be arriving on the 3^rd of March. You know the one… the cute, sweet, lovely, simply lovely, lovely-lovely English washer woman. She’s always good for a laugh. She really needs to come for a visit and soon. Hell, she’s been so cold her fingernails have turned blue!

     Have a great week, y’all. Don’t forget to do something nice for someone just for the fun of it.

     Max

Great Big Knockers? Huh?

So….

     I’m sitting here with this song stuck in my head, ‘Pretty Legs and Great Bit Knockers’. Yes, the Divine Ms. M., none other than Bette Midler herself. How did I get this song-worm stuck in my noggin’, you ask? Well, why don’t I tell you…

     My friend, who I’ll be going to see and stay with in Australia, had never heard of Sophie Tucker, or better yet, Bette’s version of Sophie Tucker. I can’t tell you how many times I've heard those jokes and yet I still laugh at them. Yes, they are much a part of my young adulthood as learning to drive a car. Which, by the way, was a 1961 Cadillac Fleetwood. The damn thing was twenty-two feet long. Try learning to parallel park that bitch!

It was the same color as this too!

     Anyway, I digress…where was I? Oh, Bette Midler. I did see her in concert many years ago. I think I was doing drugs. Matter of fact, I’m sure I was. No, I don’t remember what kind…stop that. The friend that I went with and I went to Backstreet afterwards and danced our asses off the rest of the night and then even had the nerve to go to The Cove later, an all-night gay bar. The next day when I had to go to work, I was a complete wreck. But that’s what we did back then. We partied and worked. Just ask Anthony Bordain. He did the same thing. It is an evening I will never forget. Great memories.

     What was I talking about again? I swear I've got old-timers, or CRAFT. Can’t-Remember-A-Fucking-Thing, for those who don’t know CRAFT. Oh, Bette Midler…right. See what I mean? I talk about Bette Midler and then I go off on some tangent about parts of my life. That is what I’m talking about. The woman was so much a part of my life, that, well she is just kinda stuck there. While trying to explain to this poor lost soul who Sophie Tucker was and then Bette Midler, who really did expand on the woman’s life a bit, I went to YouTube to see if I could find something to show her. Can you believe it? They can’t view some of that stuff in Australia. Those poor depraved people. Kinda like the starving strippers there.

     You know, YouTube should have to have license to watch it or something. I can’t get on there without spending hours upon hours looking at stuff. It really is addictive. I think I’m just going to go look at one thing and then next thing I know it’s like four hours later. WTF? Where the hell did the time go? So it was with doing a bit of research on the Divine Ms. M.

     Also while doing a little bit of research I found out that she is going to be in Florida this year! OMG! I want to go so badly. I’m seriously thinking of like selling my body or something to be able to go. Okay, strike that… I doubt I could get a ticket for ten bucks. It would be like a birthday present to myself. If I win the lottery I’ll buy that VIP Meet & Greet package. Hell, It’s only $1,285.00! I’ll think about that. I also really do need a recliner. Well my feet do at any rate. Something to think about I guess.

This is also the cover for her latest album, which is great!

     What else… I’m excited about my trip Down Under. I still can’t believe I’m going. Another thing I never thought I’d be able to do. So far I know that I will be in Sydney and Melbourne. There will be a few side trips and I will be able to visit on of my favorite vineyards. Wine is always a good idea in my book.

     I still haven’t heard from any of my Aussie friends about finding me stripper bars. I can only assume that there aren't any, not that I’m surprised. The poor starving dears. Now I’m wondering if they are going to have those outdoor urinals as do the Brits. That could prove amusing. I was just talking about that the other day with my friend Petronella. Damn, but we did have a good time.

     Oh, thank you everyone for the nice compliments on A Valentine’s Day Memory. It is a fun write and I do enjoy those characters. Yes, there will be more of the Sutton family. Not sure when. They’ll let me know when they’re ready.

Buy Now!

     Sigh… now on a more serious note… I’m moving, once again. Unfortunately things didn't work out where I am the way that I thought they would. I also have given notice to vacate when I thought a certain someone was coming from New Zealand, so I’m kind of stuck with that decision. But I do have a new place to land, if not permanently, but it will work out. I hate moving, but it can’t be helped. At any rate, I’m going to be very busy over the next few weeks getting things fixed up and moving. I’ll try and keep up here, but can’t promise anything right now. But hey, it’s a new adventure, right?

     Puppy update: I keep trying to tell myself how horrible these little creatures are. That they are nothing more than little eating, pooping, sleeping machines. It isn't working. They are just so damn cute! They are now starting to develop personalities and being playful. Just too damn funny when they growl and bark, or squeak is more like it. And no, I’m not keeping them. I think that 6 dogs is just a bit much.

     I did a blog post for Love Bytes this past week. The idea came from the whole Facebook banning picts thing that Jesse Jackman and Dirk Caber have been going through. There is a lot of telling of myself in that little piece. It shows a bit of how I was raised and why I keep preaching on doing for others. I am sure that a lot of you may be tired of it, but it is part of who I am so…get used to it.

Love Bytes Blog

     Now, with all that being said, it is time to tell everyone to go off and do good for someone else. Collect some of those good Karma Coins to put in the piggy bank.

     Have a great week, y’all. 

     Max

Ain't her purty?

Updates or Mad Ramblings...

     Howdy, y’all… first off…puppy update, since so many have asked...

     The remaining male and female are doing quite well. The girl is huge and seems to be the more rambunctious of the two. The little boy is as sweet as, well as sweet as my little English washer woman. They each are eating well and starting to play with each other. They are sooooo cute. They remind me of little panda bears. By the time I post this I hope that they are awake enough to do a short video to share.

     I’m getting the idea that y’all are liking the continuing saga of the Sutton family. It was suggested that I do more on them so I decided that Valentine’s Day was a big enough occasion to give them a little more love. I do like this family. It also gives me a chance to visit my hometown a bit and get a little nostalgic.

     One reader asked how I came up with this family. It goes back to August 2013 (I think it was August). Anyway, it was when I was first starting out and quite the newbie. Dreamspinner Press put out an open call for their annual Christmas Advent Calendar. I submitted it and it was rejected. I submitted it to another publisher, Wilde City Press and they also rejected it. Oh well, that’s the way it goes sometimes.

     So I pumped it up a bit, made it a bit longer and stuck it out there as an Indie piece. I’m glad I did. I really do like these characters and the story line they have going. It is a bit on the fluffy side for me, but I think that most authors do have a side to them that can be a bit on the soft side. Yeah… I can hear the snickers from here. Just hush. I’m allowed.

     Why I really wrote this Valentine’s piece was something that I wanted, no… I needed. I needed to see or at least be a part of something uplifting and fun. This helped with that. This gave me the opportunity to get out of my own head for a while.

     In Christmas Memory 2, I actually followed through on my threat of putting people I know into a book. To my friend Lauren…HA! I told you I’d kill your ass. Kimberly, you really do need to get over some of your aversions to food. I am one day going to make you meatloaf and you’re gonna like it! Julie, I just love you and can’t wait till you come for another visit.

     Here is an update on the sequel to My Hero: I think it is a little over three-quarters done. It is going to be a very big book. It is already longer than the original if that tells you anything. There’s a lot going on. I’m introducing a few new characters, but one in particular is a real hoot. Yep, based on a real person, and I just know you’re gonna love her, like I do. Just be forewarned, if I like you, you may actually end up in a book! Here’s the truth about some of the characters: Johnny Milloway was an actual person. I had such a crush on this man. And yes, he was a football player. I was sad to hear years later that he had died of AIDS.

     Rich’s character is based off a friend that I had growing up, who I admired greatly, also a superb gymnast and diver. When we were thirteen he contracted Reye’s Syndrome. The outgoing, super smart and athletic David disappeared after that. The next time I saw David, he was a shell of the person he was. He suffered severe brain damage and I don’t think he ever did gymnastics again. I loved his mother dearly. She is Maggie Sutton in the Memory Series. And true to form, she loved her family more than anything and was just as accepting as Maggie Sutton.

     Character development to me is paramount in any of my stories. Sometimes a person I know becomes a key person in the story, or as often times happens, a conglomeration of several people. That happened in The V Unit. There were several of those characters who were bits and pieces of people stuck together. Kinda like my own private Frankenstein monster. My book. My rules. I can do whatever I want there. He he he.

     The latest news on the Australian trip is I will be there in April. The one thing that I know for sure is that I will be in Melbourne for Queermance, (the third weekend in April) which is an author and reader convention. I won’t be able to attend the entire conference but I will be there for at least part of the time. Looking forward to that. Surely someone knows of a stripper bar there?

     Working on trying to set up a meet-n-greet in Sydney. Still ironing out the details on this but will let y’all know when and where. Again, can someone please let me know the hot spots, preferably a good stripper joint, in Sydney? Don’t y’all have strippers? What’s wrong with this picture?

     I’m afraid that in AU, like in the UK, they don’t have dollar bills and the poor strippers have either died of starvation or had to move on to other professions. It’s sad I tell you, just sad. How can you do that to those poor people? Get it together and demand paper dollars I tell you! Strippers need to eat!

     Sigh…another sad thing is that it was brought to my attention that crabs, you know the louse variety, are still slowly dying off. Did you know that they are endangered now? I know I've mentioned this before, but how sad is that? I do declare that I am going to have to campaign to save the little dears. I swear I’m going to have T-shirts made up. 

Save the crabs! Stop Manscaping!

Boycott Gillette!

     Catchy, huh? Who’d buy a T-shirt to support such a worthy cause?

     I’ve not heard back from my hopefully new LGBT youth cause. I’m keeping my fingers crossed though. Probably just as well right now since I am going to be very busy during March and out of the country April. Still wanting to do something to contribute in some way. We’ll see.

     Anyway, you know the routine. Go out and do for others. Doesn’t have to be a lot, just something. Time to work on that Karma bank account.

     Till next week, y’all.

     Max

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